I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you win again, gameday.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
