Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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