Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
