it's too hot outside to masturbate.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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