I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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