Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
