i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
