who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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