I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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