suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
ttyl tear gas
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
