the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
And then he peed in my hair
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