Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
