her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
