I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
