I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
