Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
