About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
