just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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