i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
