it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
