A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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