I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
