Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
