I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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