I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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