You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
