I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
