I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
