I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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