porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
