you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
