Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
