Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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