Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
