I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
