I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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