yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
