How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
