My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
