I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
