don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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