it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize