Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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