my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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