HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
