Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
