Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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