its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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