two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
