I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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