Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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