I'm so fucking centered right now
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
