please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
