i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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