I wish I could teleport
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize