It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
