hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
