I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
