I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
