I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize