as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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