You made me cry and you don't even care
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
