WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
