i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
