just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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