He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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