I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
