She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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