I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
