just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize