Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
