the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
