I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
