My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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