I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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