Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize