the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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