Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it because I queefed?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
