kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
