SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
