when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
