i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
