yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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