You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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