seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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