Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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