if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
