Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Drake has all the answers
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
