the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
