Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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