why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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