Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize