I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
