My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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