One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
