How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
