I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
