I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
