Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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