I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize