Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
