Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
