why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
