just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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