Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
