Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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