To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just tell him i said nine months
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
