In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
