Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
