I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
