We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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