We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
