I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
